So... I started to work around a new universe that I just call Void. I've uploaded the prologue and am trying to figure out the main plot right now. Do read it, maybe you can help to inspire me to write more!

I feel that my writing has matured a lot over the years and maybe I am finally able to move past the fantasy cliche, well, almost anyway. I usually never move outside the fantasy/horror genres, but I wanted to do something different and in a way this feels different. It's not horror, it's not pure fantasy either given its strong scientific roots. I want it to be cyberpunkish because I've gotten so attached to that genre lately and I have never written anything which can be considered cyberpunk. We'll see how it turns out I suppose.

Oh yes. Lost 2 pages of submitted art.

Honestly, I doubt I will miss it.

It seems when I do something is very random, regardless if it's a drawing or something written. I got an idea for yet another monster fantasy/whatever/wannabecyberpunk novel, but I have only lined out the beginning so far. I am just so sick and tired of only being capable of writing fantasy or horror short stories, I suppose I want to broaden myself. Most of all, I'd like to write something with absolutely no fantastic elements, but I suppose I am not quite ready yet.

And my skill-level of my drawings, I am not entirely sure why, but it goes so up and down it drives me nuts. It seems though, that I need a reference for it to work out somewhat ok. Still having issues with proportations and gah, hands, I hate them.

I suppose I just have one of these periods right now, when I just wanna do one or two things that I shouldn't but I have to anyway. To add, I really want to play some oldies again, and am thinking of digging up my Ocarina of Time. The only issue really is that the hand control is in such a poor shape now. It has received a lot of love. At the same time I downloaded a lot of other old games, I suppose I am feeling some nostalgia. Downloading a SNES emulator and installed Secret of Mana. I am so laughing over the storyline now. It's really all "Go slay bad monster in dungeon X!", so you go and do that, then "Oh wait, Dude Y whom we were really supposed to save got teleported away by Evil Character Z, but nevermind that, visiting Dungeon A got more priority!". It makes no sense at all, and nevermind the fact that it rarely if ever directs you where to go. So I spent over one hour trying to find a dungeon which was pretty logical once I found it, but not one NPC liked to give me directions in either case. That was frustrating, I tell you.

Other than that, got Diablo 1 again, I died to The Butcher He smashed my rogue, and I got panicked lol. I tried to run into a room where you could close the door and shoot him through the fences, but the problem was that I never managed to close the door, maybe they fixed that in later versions. How I am supposed to kill him now I don't know...

Additionally, also playing Zeus: Master of Olympus with expansion pack of all things. City planning is so much thing right now. I haven't played WoW in weeks, but I signed up for Ulduar tomorrow, so let's see with that.

Other than that, finished Dexter season 3. It wasn't as good at all as season 1 and 2. Completely lacked the tension by having Dexter being caught, and his personal relationship with the main antagonist. Well, I suppose season 1 is hard to beat, and season 2 was slightly ruined by that bitch Laila. Emotoinal vampire, ewww.

So I suppose I will download Mulholland Drive or what movie it now was as requested by Dmitri, so I can analyze it for him... uff.

So, I've been off DA for a tredemous amount of time. I cannot say I have missed it that much, but I decided to upload some things as I suddenly got a huge surge of inspiration out of nowhere, typically late nights as usual. Uploaded a poem and a fan art sketch off a Bleach character which I became pretty satisfied with, although I found a few minor errors but I doubt you really notice it that much. Maybe I redo it all together tomorrow, it does bug me slightly, being the perfectionist I am. Maybe I will even dare trying to color it, using water color, although I dare bet the result will be horrible, as I got little to no skill with water color.

Anyway, since I so rarely draw if ever, I was amazed that I could properly capture someone else's art style somewhat okish, as I have never considered myself being a great artist, even on a hobby level. So, slightly pleased with myself tonight. Maybe I should dust off my skills a little more and try to do something else as well. And sorry for the poor quality, having the fortune of owning a scanner is something I yet have to receive as a gift from the genie in the bottle.

In all our blissful delight, maybe I should write something again. What I feel is that something is changing, within me, with everything else, with the world around me. It is of course stupid to think otherwise. In our definition of time, time means movement, change. If everything was still, would time still pass? Humans cannot grasp the true concept of time, question is if we ever will. Another question would be, is that actually relevant? I said to a friend of mine that the past always seems so close, but the future always too far away. There is a saying "caught in the moment". I believe every human being is "caught in the moment", question is merely how aware we are of it.

I am not sure whether it is a confession or just my usual form of rambles, that I feel incredibly "caught in the moment" right now. A lot of things happened recently, things that turned my world upside down. Still, when the tide passed it felt like it never happened. I bet a lot of people have felt that way once in their lives. I realize I have been contradicting myself, mostly because of a fear of admittance. I have always been the rebellious kind; never feared of complaining when I can. Maybe just my genes caught up with me? Or maybe it was too long since I felt this way that I completely forgot how it was like? I have been struggling against something I guess I could never win against. Not truly anyway. Not with society so conformed, not when I even have my own genes against me. So no David and Goliath. Or maybe the admittance was the final rock needed to crush the window.

I guess I am still caught up in a moment of shock, where my brain still haven't managed to realize what is going on. And then all the irony sets in, the fact that I cannot give him what I want to give. Not currently, maybe never. This feeling of apathy is like a splinter in my mind; the knowing that no matter what I will do, it will not help. This feeling of fighting against the impossible. I do not believe in the impossible, just low probability. Very low. VERY. Still I cannot ignore of how tremendeous my enemy is, bigger than I ever could have imagined. Oh the irony of nature. Of all primal and simplistic things, I am left with superficial options. Still that silly hope lives on, because without that hope I would not manage my everyday-life. I hope something good will eventually come out of this carpe diem. What would humans be if we couldn't hope?